Life...

I have been doing clinical rotations for about 10 months now and today was the first time that I was in a room when a patient was being told they had a very malignant cancer, they weren't a candidate for surgery, and chemo/radiation may or may not work. This sweet lady has been in pain for several weeks and found out today that her she now has a life threatening process going on in her body. I sat there watching her reaction, her husband's reaction, and her daughter reaction, while fighting off tears myself. She tried to hold it in and tried to be brave and tough but through her glassy gaze you could tell she was hurting in multiple ways. Her family stood there and took the news like they were stone and tried to comfort her as much as possible. Obviously, there were multiple unanswered questions but all they could was sit their. Finally, after being told we were going to consult on oncologist etc., she burst into tears. And what is amazing is that she didn't starting crying because of the cancer or news. She started crying when she looked into the doctor's eyes and said..."Thank you for taking such good care of me. Thank you for treating me like your own mother. I love you and whatever the outcome I want you to know that you are MY doctor and I trust you with every fiber in my body." The depth of that comment really didn't hit me until later. We walked outside with the daughter and husband following us with bright red faces. They held their tears in until reaching the hallway and then couldn't bear it anymore. The doctor did the best he could to comfort them and gave them more of the prognosis etc and we went on our way. But back to that comment from earlier. This lady was just told she is probably not going to survive more than a year and their is not alot that can medically be done for her. She has been in so much pain and was just told that they pain isn't what originally what we thought and the cancer was malignant. And all is could say to the doctor was that I love you and trust you with every fiber in my body. After thinking about that I realized that that statement should be coming from me to my heavenly father in good times and bad. God wants to hear me tell Him I love him and am trusting him with every fiber in my body whether I just got awful news or I am celebrating a joyous occasion. It is so easy to be thankful and full of live when things are going great but in bad times (big or small) it is not so easy. I know I have alot to work on but I continue to feel God showing me ways to grow and ways that He loves me. So just remember, God is there for you through thick and thin, place you trust in Him and amazing things will happen.


Switching keys a little bit. I haven't updated in a while but I wanted to share what was on my heart. Things are going great right now with Danny, myself, and Baby Mac. We will be 13 weeks tomorrow, and I can't wait for the 1st trimester to end. I am starting to have less sick days as long as I eat regularly and don't let me stomach get too empty. My appetite has also started to increase. Danny jokes that he is going to have to start eating less so that I can eat all that I want. If you know how much Danny truly eats you would know I couldn't eat that much if I was pregnant with triplets. I am getting a little bigger each week as well. You might notice it a little if you looked hard enough but I know because all my dress close are slowly getting tighter and less comfortable. Our next appointment is next Friday and I can't wait to hear the heart beat. I still struggle with fear that something is wrong, but I am trying really hard to trust Him completely. I would have to say He has provided alot of peace because I can be a very anxious person but I have not had much stress of worry. I know God has special plans for the baby, as well as, Danny and I. I am so excited that the first trimester is almost over. I am thankful for everyday that we get closer and closer. Danny and I have been apart for almost 3 weeks now (except on the weekends) and have about 5 more to go, but we are hanging in there. I hate not going home to him everyday but thank God for cell phones. He has been busy this week replacing our fence. Hopefully, he has it done by the weekend so we can relax a little bit. I have 1 more week from tomorrow at my current rotation and then I head to Nacogdoches for my LAST ROTATION!! I couldn't be more excited. That means I get an unofficial vacation and PA school is coming to an end :) Well, until next time enjoy life and trust God.